Gayly Forward
I got the "gayly forward" from
my gay friend, Chris, in Dallas in the early 1990's.
After church one night, Chris
was kind enough to take me home in his car.
HE doesn't know where I lived.
So, I gave him directions to my place.
Halfway there, Chris wondered
out loud of where we was going.
I mentioned, "Don't worry.
We are in the right direction. Go straight!"
Chris said, "We can't go straight."
I just freaked out big time.
I didn't noticed the road was being work on. There was no signs at all.
I didn't saw car troubles or
an car accident, nothing out of the ordinary. I thought he was mistaken.
I tried to "straightened him
out."
"Just go straight, don't turn
right or left, just straight," I said.
Boy, he told me a whopper!
Chris said, "We can't go straight,
dear! There was no way possible to go straight."
I got confused and lost even
more. Hey, I thought I was giving him the RIGHT DIRECTIONS to my place!
I hoped I didn't send him down
the wrong street!
"Hello, I know what I am talking
about. I do live in the area. I know which way to go! We must go straight."
Chris revealed his gay joke,
"We just can't go straight. We need to go GAYLY FORWARD!"
At first, it didn't dawn on
me. He explained it once more. I finally got the joke.
We both laughed. Chris really
had me going! It made me to freak out about "GOING STRAIGHT"
Ted & Chris
The back story...........the church just ended on a wednesday night.
Chris offered me an ride home. I knew Chris and his lover, Ted, for a few months. I didn't want to take the bus home at night. That was nice of Chris. I think Ted was
already home. We arrived at my place.
He wanted to talk about his relationship with Ted. Things wasn't going great for them. Chris wasn't feeling the love; they
were too busy with work. We were being
quite on my bed. I didn't want to disturb my roomie, Nicky and his lover, Red.
I wasn't happy with my living
arrangement; I wasn't that please with Nicky's boyfriend, who was from The Street. So badly, I wanted to move out. I had no other place to go. Red was voilent with Nicky. Red hit him many times that
I was truly afraid to get involve. I was
scared for the both of us. Nicky will never call the police on Red. Red was in control; he had such power over Nicky. One
time, Nicky had a bruised eye. I tried
to convince Nicky to kick him out of the place; he wouldn't budge at all.
Nicky was really in love with
Red; I can't take their abusive relationship. It wasn't do Nicky and me any good. I couldn't get any sleep that much. Some nights were worse than others. There was yelling about every day. I wished I
had a gun to kill Red. I was getting desparate
and scared for Nicky. The abuse can't go on any longer. Nicki and I can't take him down by ourselves. Red will out power us.
In the beginning, we agreed it will be only the two of us as roomies,
excluded Red. I didn't trust Red; he was really a street person; it was his nature. I met Nicky at a homeless shelter. Yes, we were homeless. Red always sleep outside
in his own area. This was my second
time to be homeless in Dallas. Nicky and I hit it off; we knew that we were homosexuals. We were great friends, nothing more, notinhg less. There was no attraction; Nicky
wasn't my type.
Being gay and homeless at skid
row was horrible hard. No one like Nicky; he was all out flamming everywhere he went. For me, I was low key with it; I knew playing it straight was the thing to do. I didn't want any hassles
living at the homeless shelter. My God! The
shelter was one of the worse shelter I ever stayed at. Every freaking night, we need to listen to the person who preached
the word of God! I was so sick of the
word. They was pounding us like a stick in the mud. He preached over an hour each night. I wished I was sleeping in the street.
Then, we got in line to eat.
The food was terrible. I didn't eat that much. Then we went straight to the showers; there wasn't enough hot water for everyone. I took the fastest showers. Also, we need to give the assistant all the
clothes. We weren't allow to sleep in our
street cloths. I hated taking showers with the men; I knew something will come up. I didn't get enough sleep. I was in the
worst uncomfortable bed. Some men was
talking and snoring. Then we need to get up at 5 AM and leave by 6 AM. Most shelters was like that.
We mostly hang out at the library
or the day center during the day. We both tired of the homeless; we wanted our own place. We can't go on being homeless. Nicky told me that he was seeing Red for a while. Red claimed he
was straight! Yeah, right! A so called straight
person don't TOP homosexuals. There was something I don't like about Red. I smelt trouble with him. Nicky figured that Red
can be trust. I had doubts about him.
For some reason, the homeless shelter kicked Nicky out; we both knew the real reason - Nicky was gay. I was all alone in the shelter. I care less about the other homeless people. I
didn't trust anyone else except Nicky. I tended
to myself; It wasn't easy without Nicky there. I could count on him.
A miracle occured, Nicky found
a place in North Dallas. We both checked the one bedroom apartment; I didn't like it that much. I just didn't care. I wanted to leave the sickening homeless shelter right then and there. The
apartment manager wanted an deposit and
$20 for an credit check. Few days later, we got the good news. We were truly freed from the streets, but not that long. We
fully didn't escape the street. Nicky
dragged the street to our place in the form of RED! Hello, I never ever agreed that Red could live with him. The place was big enough for two, not three. Why, oh why? I thought our troubles
was over.
Boy, I was so wrong. It was
only the beginning. Man, Red hardly pay any rent, buy food and pay some bills. Red was there to please Nicky and got on my last gay nerves! If I knew Red was going to live with us, I will have
stay on the streets. Even before we moved there,
Red and Nicky had a bad relationship. I didn't want to live with that. I was forced of living in a bad situation with them.
Back to Chris.....Chris and I was feeling vulnerable with our
situations. Chris wasn't happy with his relationship with Ted as much as I was unhappy living with Nicky and Red. We both ended up having sex; it was our comfort. The
sex was fagulous. We rested for a while.
Chris needed to go back to Ted before Ted woke up; he mentioned he want the sex to be a secret. We never discuss the sex at all.
The funny thing - I ended up being good friends with Ted, Chris'
lover! By that time, I was no longer living with Nicky and Red. Linda took me in till I got my own single place at the gay church's expense. The church raised the
deposit and first month rent. I was so blessd
to have the church in my life.
Ted and I became good friends
when we volunteered at the church one day. I forgot what we did. I think we painted the curb or clean the parking lot. Ted confided into me about his relationship; things wasn't that great for them.
I felt sorry for Ted. I wished I could do something
for Ted. He really loved Chris; they didn't have time for each other. They was growing apart.
An incident occured at my new
place. My friends, Curtis and Chris, pressured me to help their friend, Steve. I let him to stay with him for a while. I didn't trust him; he can't be trusted. One night, I woke up in the middle
of the night. Much to shocking eyes, I saw Steve fucking this one chick in the livingroom. I couldn't believed my eyes. Man, it threw me a loop. Then again, why
should it? I had an feeling he can't
be trusted. I went back to sleep. Morning came, I told Steve that I was going to see Linda.
Man, I was so happy to see
Linda; she was the Big Bad Mama. That was my nickname for Linda! LOL. She doesn't
take any crap from anyone! I could always
count on Linda; anyone can! She was quite an outstanding lady to know. I told her about last night. She just laughed; I was too graphic with Mama! She knew I was serious thou. She saw the pain in my
eyes. She took me to a restuarant for
breakfast. She always cheered up her kids when they were down. We arrived at my place. She put her foot down with Steve; she
kicked him out. She mentioned Steve
must leave me alone!
I told Ted about Steve; Ted
was happy that the ordeal was over, thanx to Big Bad Mama. Ted was shocked about the graphic details I told Linda! Boy, that was an eyeful! It was a good thing I wasn't blind by sickening straight
sex.
Another drastic event happened
at my place a month later, some friends was over for a while one night. We partied and listened to music, mostly Madonna's. We were interest in her SEX book. We heard a gun shot outside. We all
ducked down and called the police. We
were scared that someone was killed. We stayed in for a while till we heard the sirens coming. A friend checked the street. He rushed back in. He saw a trail of blood
to the alley. We freaked out big time on drugs. We stashed the drugs under the bed and tried our best to remain calm. He thought he was seeing things. Oh, no! The bloody trial
was as REAL as the gun shot we all heard
few minutes ago! Another friend mentioned that it was his first and last time to come to my place! I don't blame him one bit!
The next day, I explained to everyone at church that my neighborhood
was dangerous to live in! I don't want to live there any more. The gun shot was the last straw. The church felt sorry for me. My old roomie, Collect, took me in. I
was so happy to live with her and the
daughter, Shannon! Sasha was another roomie too. I like Sasha; he was turning into a lady - he was trapped in a woman's body.
The sex was Chris was heavily
on my mind. I felt so guilty for hiding the secret from Ted. So much, I can't keep it to myself. I told Kevin, Gary, Collect about Chris and I. They couldn't believed I would do such a thing. Others
friends thought I was lying. Hello, me, an
liar? Hell, no! I will lie when I have a good reason to lie! Not this time! There was no reason to lie. I want to be free
from the guilt. I don't want to lose
Ted's friendship. Ted and Chris means the world to me.
The turning point - The church went to Spiritfest, an gay religion
retreat by the Grace Ministries. I found out that something big will happen to Ted, but he didn't know what. I felt I have to tell him the truth. I felt it in my
heart. It was now or never. I ole Ted so much; he deserved the truth. I waited till we got home from the retreat. I know what I have to do. I went to the movies with
Kevin, Gary and Collect. We loved The
Loin King, the last movie we ever saw together.
The moment of truth - I went over to Ted's for a while. He was still
curious about the life changing moment. I tried to ceased into the truth; It was the hardest thing I ever told an dear friend. I can't stand keeping him in the dark.
Ted knew something was bothering me.
I didn't know how to tell him. It was just Ted and me. Chris was at work! I finally blurted the secret out. He was so angry
at Chris; he felt betrayed by him. He
didn't seem to be pist at me. I told him the truth.
Man, i was scared too. I have
no ideal how things will work out for Chris and Ted; both was my cloest friends. I felt sad that I help destroyed their relatioship. After a while, Ted was drinking beer left and right. I didn't want
to leave Ted alone. He was angry and vulnerable.
I comforted him, not by sex. I was there for him.
Chris finally showed up from
work. He walked in the lion's den. Chris had a bad feeling. He wondered why Ted was drinking alot. I admitted that Ted knows about us, the night we had sex. Chris was upset with me for telling Ted.
Ted stood up for me; Chris had no right
to be mad at me. The truth will always come out somehow and someway. Ted had some heated words with Chris. So badly, I was anxious to leave. I couldn't leave Ted. He needs
a good friend to be there for him. I was the next best thing as a friend. Ted knew I was really sorry. I was partly to blame too. It takes two! Chris and I need comfort sex
that one night; we both didn't like our lifes at that time.
I hung out for a while. They
contunied to fight. Ted told Chris flat out that they are not lovers any more, they will be roomies. Ted can't be with someone he can't trusted. I truly felt
bad. Why them? They was so much in love, somehow they lost their way to each other. Few weeks earlier, we went to the store for something. A lady noticed that Chris and Ted
was meant to be together. We was shocked
that she picked up vibes from them. They were relieved that the troubles will be over soon. Now, the truth may end the relationship, thanx to me.
The people
1. Chris - Ted's lover
2. Ted - my good friend
3. Nicky - homeless friend turned roomie
4. Red - Nicky's lover
5. Linda Harris - Big Bad Mama
6. Steve - straight guy
7. Curtis - gay friend
8. Chris #2 - Curtis' friend and roomie
9. Kevin Nichols - my bestfriend
10. Gary Gonzales - my other best friend
11. Collect Shumate - another roomie
12. Shannon Shumate - Collect's daughter
13. Sasha - lived with Collect, Shannon and me
