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2001 Sept 14, Friday

Miguel wants to go to his sister's in Whittier.  I didn't want to, no blinkers!  Miguel tried to convince me to lie to his sister about the car.  I was so angry inside; I won't lie for him.  If I do, I would prolong his drinking!  Hello, Miguel, wake up before it's too late.  We got dressed. I noticed his left elbow and arm was bruised from last night.  He used a long sleeved shirt to cover up the bruise!  

We were on our way to his sisters.  He want to take the highway, I explained we have no blinkers.  He told me to stop by the auto place on Fountain/highland.  No luck, we went to Pep Boys on Hollywood/Gower.  There was some success, but Miguel didn't want to do anything in the hot sun.  We ate at a sushi restaurant on Larchmont.  He challenge me if I don't eat with the chopsticks, I have to pay for lunch!  I was in no mood.  I noticed he didn't eat with chopsticks.  Therefore, he paid for lunch!  Really, I didn't want to pay.  I paid for the taxi ride, $35!  We walked to the car; he was limping from his right leg.  

We got home and ended in bed together after he took a shower.  He can be persuaded sometimes.  We rested up.  Miguel started to call old friends; it could mean only one thing.  Death is coming soon or the hospital again!   He also called the gay club too for the car key and his glasses.  I overheard him that he ran into a car and the driver took the car key from him.  I am not sure what really happened.  I'm still in the dark to this day.  I haven't told him that I have his keys!  Miguel called the eye doctor for new glasses.  I didn't want to go to downtown LA, lots of police is there and may stop me for having no blinkers!  I want to take care of it first.  We headed back to Pep Boys.  We fixed the blinkers; it needed a new fuse.  

2001 Sept 15, Saturday

We went to the post office and almost ran over a guy on Beverly/San Vincente.  He noticed the guy first in the back seat.  I was in such a dazed that I didn't saw him to walk off the curb.  I have enough time and space to avoid him!  This past week has been heavily on my mind!  I couldn't think str8!   Thursday night mostly got to me. I was less concerned about Tuesday's tragedies, but Tuesday entered in my mind.  It almost cost someone his life!  Both of them affected me, I didn't lose anyone in the tragedy.  My family lives in boring Texas.  I hope I lost someone on Tuesday.  I could have used that to get away from my turmoil life!  I really need some time away from Miguel!  

His work called for a party tonight.  From the looks of things, he didn't learn from Thursday night!  I looked up for an address.  He got ready to work.  I read SOD and Entertainment Weekly in bed.  He brought up his car.  I decided to give him his keys.  He was quite surprised.  He searched in my nightstand for his glasses.  I told him that I only have the car keys.  I gave him my car key; his was at the club!    

In the last paragraph, I mentioned he didn't learn a thing from Thursday night.  He seemed that nothing happened and went back to his daily routine.  He wipes it out from his mind.  He was also happy that his work put him on as a BARTENDER at the party tonight!   Whoa!!!   I supposed to forget about it too.  I think not!   He can't go on ruins lives at any cost!  I won't be a part of his drinking abusive terror!!   Once again, he came home with alcohol breath!  

The miserable life of Kazz continues on till I go the way of Anne Heche or find a peaceful time away from Miguel!  It is affecting my mental state and well being.

I have the spirit of an alien.
I need to find my own kind.
I must shed off the dreadful human skin.
It is very uncomfortable.