#11

Things Never Change

By Kazz Falcon

I dated my ex boyfriend

Things have never been so much better

We started to fall back in love

He remembered my favorite food

We had so much fun dating

We got to know each other again

We meant so much to each other

It was good to be in each other’s lifes again

Life was fabulous with him

We took things very slowly

Last time, we went too fast

Something happened

He showed up drunk at my place

I don’t believed it

He hasn’t stop drinking

He was still working as a bartender

I gave him another chance at love

He just walked all over me

He claimed he didn’t have a drinking problem

He was happy with me

Yet, I wasn’t happy with him

I can’t do this again

I just can’t

It was hard the first time

It nearly destroy my life

His drinking reopened old wounds

I still felt the knife in my heart

It cut deeper into my soul

I cried out loud in pain

I wished I hadn’t went back to him

Things never change

Denied Alcoholic

By Kazz Falcon

Say it with me

I don’t have a drinking problem

Say it again

I don’t have a drinking problem

Once more

I don’t have a drinking problem

Yes, some friends believed I had one

What do they really know about me?

My life was perfect in every way

I had a wonderful boss, beautiful place and cool friends

I was so freaking happy with my life

I don’t have any problems at all

I paid my rent and bills on time

I was never late at my job

Still, they can’t get it out of their minds

I was able to hold onto everything

My life was under control

Come on now

I don’t have a drinking problem

Say it

Yes, I partied at the clubs every weekend

I was a social drinker

Bug Chasers

By Kazz Falcon

I set out to become HIV infected

I didn’t care how I got the disease

I was never big on drugs

Sex was the next best thing

I had a lot of promiscuous, unsafe sex

I was popular at the bathhouses, sex clubs and the sex parties

I often had it over five times a week

On the weekend, I always lost count

I couldn’t get sex enough

Sex was my whole being

It was my main reason to live

I lived to be serve by any men at any cost

I couldn’t stop thinking about it

I saw being part of the HIV-AIDS community as a way of belonging

I looked forward to that day

Everyone has a sense of belonging somewhere

My place was with HIV community

I mostly seek out “the gift givers”

They were HIV + men who knowingly and deliberately infect others

I simply don’t care about the consequences

I celebrated and advertised bareback on the Internet

Because I wanted to be HIV infected

HIV + people was living longer

They often don't show the outside signs of the disease

No matter what, life was good at either end

Gift Givers

By Kazz Falcon

I wasn’t Santa at all

I was only a HIV + person

What else can I say?

I gave people the HIV virus

They wanted to be a part of the HIV community

They didn’t seemed to care at all

I gladly gave them what they want

No questions ask

You could say it’s Russian Roulette

My penis was the gun

Hey, it was their lifes

I can’t complained, neither they can

Sometimes, they paid me money

No, I wasn’t a prostitute

They want HIV at any cost

I wasn’t making that much on my job

I couldn’t refuse the money

I wouldn’t turn down money either

It will help me in the long run

Whatever works for them, works for me

Time For An Awakening

By Kazz Falcon

Dedicated to Richard Chamberlain

You probably know me quite well

I starred in numerous blockbuster movies in the 1960/70’s

Of course, I was in a hit TV show in the 1980’s

I had a pretty fan base

All women fancy yours truly

In the last few years, I led a comfortable life

I could less about my public image now

Most women saw me as a romantic man in my movies

I played the roles quite good

Even some proposed marriage in their letters

Stars still get those kinds of letters

I wouldn’t take those proposals seriously

I was already seeing someone at that time

I wouldn’t dare to cheat at all

My special someone would have talk to the tabloids

You know I can’t let that happen

My public image would be destroyed

Today, I don’t give a damn about that image

Hollywood created it for the audience

They saw a bankable star in me

They would do anything to cover up the truth

They did the same thing with Rock Hudson

He was another prefect leading man for the movies

For all my fans, I was ready to face the truth

I was tired of hiding from everyone

There was nothing wrong with me

I just happened…happened to be different

“Different,” you wondered

I wasn’t ashamed of my life

It was a part of me

I embraced myself with the truth

The truth would set you free

As you get older, you would know what means the most to you

I found real love I could count on for the rest of my life

I would never give up the love at all

Being gay was so me; I don’t want to give up my life

Losing Focus

By Kazz Falcon

I was working on a book

It was due by December 2004

I had a month left

Everything was going smoothly

I ran into an old friend

I haven't seen him since childhood

We caught up on old times

We hung around a lot

I completely forgotten about the book

We had so much fun

I was smitten by him

We spent every waking moment together

We can't get enough each other

I moved in with him

I put everything on hold

I did everything for him

I cooked

I cleaned

I took out the trash

I loved him so much

There was something missing

I felt I was lost

I wasn't happy

Don't get me wrong

Our love was still strong

I missed writing very much

That I lost focus

The Locket

By Kazz Falcon

I wanted to give my love something special

His birthday was coming up this Saturday

The locket will represent our love 4ever

It dawned on me

I decided to use that description

That was just perfect for the locket

He will enjoy his present very much

We had a nice quite time on his birthday

A few friends was over

We had a gay old time with each other

He loved all his presents

I was saving the best for last

He wondered what happened to my present

I fibbed, "I couldn't find anything."

He does have everything

There was nothing to give him

He was disappointed

All our friends went home

He still can't believe it

I mentioned he forgot to eat some cake

He doesn't like eating cake; it was fattening

I made him closed his eyes

He didn't trust me at all

He thought I will stuff the cake in his mouth

The lights was out

A candlestick was lit on the kitchen table.

He sat down at the table

I screamed, "Surprise!"

He quickly opened up his eyes

Once again, he was disappointed

All he saw was a small cupcake

I knew he couldn't resist it

I made the best damn cupcakes in the world

He took a bite of the cupcake

Then he grabbed his drink

He noticed the locket in the glass.

He was cheerful that I gave him something special

He read the description

"Our hearts are 4ever locked together."

He started to cry

It was the best birthday present he ever received

Hush Money

By Kazz Falcon

I knew a terrible secret

I can't tell anyone

I don't want my life to be in danger

HE offered me an intrigue deal

I couldn’t refuse the money

It will help me in the long run

I was behind the bills and the rent

Also, I can get out of debt

Under one condition, I can't tell anyone

The money will help me a great deal

I can offer my kid the life I didn't had

I can move to a better neighborhood

I will be safe as long I play the cards right

Man, I won't have to worry that much

I can take care of my only kid

He will do better in school

His future depends on the money

I won't let him down

Damn, I better take the deal

I know it was wrong

I was desperate for the money

I must take care of my son at nay cost

I made the deal with the devil

He gave me the hush money

Child Support

By Kazz Falcon

I split up with my wife last year.

We had a son together.

She demanded I give her child support

I flat out refused

I can't afford it

I had a low paying job

Yet, she was a greedy bitch

She wants all my money to go to the son

Hell, no!

She had no right to my money

Our divorce was finale few weeks ago

I was doing the best I could to help him

Right now, I was on a tight income

She was too damn lazy to work

Maybe, I should get full custody

She needs to stop whining

She was driving me away from our son

She was too angry and bitter

She won't get child support

My Husband, The Cop

By Kazz Falcon

Last night was a close call for him

He was almost kill

This bad guy shot him a few times.

I knew that day was coming.

I was sick and worried.

I didn't want him to be a police officer any more

It was too dangerous.

I really hoped he change his mind

I can't go on living like this

I loved him so much

I don't want to lose him at all

His job really scared me

I was a nervous wreck

Now, the shoot out made matters worst

He doesn't want to listen to reason

I begged him to quit the police force

He won't stop being a cop

He loves his job very much

I really don't know what to do

I was truly afraid for my husband, the cop.

Again!

By Kazz Falcon

Well, what can I say?

I was in another car accident

This time, I broke my arm

Yes, I was driving drunk from the clubs

I kept on playing with fire

One of these days, I will take a life or mine

I really don't care

No one gives a damn about me

They walked out on my life

I don't have a problem

I won't cut back on the drinking

God gave me many chances

This probably was my 7th car accident

I was a lucky bastard!

The Angel Of Death won't come to the doorstep

I refused to give up my life

God was on my side no matter what

He won't let me down

I will continue to drink

Till something bad happen again!

Weak

By Kazz Falcon

I prey on the weak

It gives me so much powerful

She was truly afraid of me

I beat her up many times

She always talks back to me

I got to teach her a lesson

She can't continue to give me lip

I won't let her

She must be nice and obey me

I was in charge, not her

She has to cook, clean and anything else

It was the woman's job

She can't deny my demands

I was the king for her

Yet, she wasn't my queen

She doesn't give me respect most times

She won't walk away from me

Because she was weak

Strong

By Kazz Falcon

Well, my dear husband beats me up

He was an angry man

Things doesn't go his way

He always took his anger on me

He felt I was the blame for his failures

I was scared for the kids too

He haven't touch them yet

Thank God!

They were too young to notice anything

I must find a way to get out

We need to be safe from him

I was sick and tired of him

He really disgusted me

I was ashamed

I felt dirty

I cried my eyes in silence

Dear Lord! Please help us

We need to escape the abuse from the husband

Maybe, the gun was my only way out

For the kids, I must be strong

My Time Has Come

By Kazz Falcon

My time has come

For Angel Of Death to take me away

I was at my deathbed

I will be happier in the afterlife

My friends/family won't have to cry

I will see them again

I don't know when

Who knows when we go to the great beyond?

I left good memories behind

They can hold on to the memories

Everyone will missed me dearly

The memories will keep them company

Here I lay in the bed

Some friends surrounded me

The pastor gave me the last rites

I can go peacefully in death

I won't have any more pain

I was grateful I had a wonderful life

I said my goodbyes to everyone

I died in my sleep

My time has come

The Innocence One

By Kazz Falcon

I was falsely accused for something I didn't do.

He believed I was stirring up some trouble

I wasn't that type of a person

I don't cause any trouble

I have no reason to

I was very happy with my life

He thought I spiked their drink

Say what?

I will do no such thing

I hardly go clubbing

I was so over the clubs

I won't put someone in danger

I won't even do that to my enemies

I have no reason to be spiteful

He really needs to get over himself

I was trying to warn them about Mickey Finn

He took it wrong

He still believed I want to rape them

Huh?

Was I really Mickey Finn?

I was the innocence one

The Island

By Kazz falcon

I mysteriously arrived on an island

I have no ideal how I got there

I ran into Alice at Salem Place

Was I dreaming?

I was shock to see her alive

I killed her with donuts

Man, I was the serial killer back home

For some reason, I was bloodthirsty

I passed out on the ground

I suddenly woke up in Alice's house

I was lost and confused

How did I get there?

I saw Roman and Abe

It can't be real

I killed them both

I shot Abe

I slit Roman's throat

Man, I was really freaking out

Yet, everyone was alive, even Victor

How can it be?

I didn't kill Victor in the bathtub

Even I was dead too

The police shot me on sight

They convinced me that we were trapped

We all want to go home

We missed our loved ones

Somehow, we need to find a way to escape

Who was the mastermind behind the island?

“Amnesia” Roman Brady

By Kazz Falcon

I stumbled into Salem

Yet, I was still lost

I can’t remember who I was

I don’t recognize the area

I was wrapped up in bandages

I came across Dr. Marlena Evans

She helped me to unravel my past

She feared I was her worst enemy – Stephano

I had a phoenix tattoo on my shoulder

I slowly recovered my memory

She noticed certain familiar patterns

It dawned on her

Was I her long lost husband?

She found out I had plastic surgery

She saw pictures of Roman at the surgeon’s office

She was convinced I was her long lost husband

She believed Stephano brainwashed and redesigned me

She told me about the pictures

I couldn’t believed it

I “changed” my looks

I felt like I was home again

I was reunited with the woman I love

I was reunited with our kids

I accepted my place in her heart and home

I was happy to have my life back

Colony 1628

By Kazz Falcon

I lived in the year of 1628

We were getting started with our colony

I was merely a servant

I took care of the household

I can't speak against my master

I must obey him

I couldn't run away from him

The Governor traded with the Indians

Everyone must go to church on the Sabbath

Even the Non Believers

It was the law

We can't ever work on that day

Some broken laws will lead to death

Even my life was at risk

I was a gay man

Yet, I must hide it from everyone

I can't be that way in their eyes

My life was forbidden

I have no choice at all

Everyone must follow the laws

We will be punish or death

That was my life in Colony 1628

New Colony

By Kazz Falcon

I heard so much about the new colony

I was intrigue by the new world

I had no family nor I was a servant

I was a freeman

I will use this opportunity

I had lots of talent as a carpenter

I can help the new colony strive

There was plenty of need for me

It was an exciting time

I can build my life into something better

Perhaps, fall in love and have a family

Then a servant can work for me

I want to leave my life behind

There was nothing at all

I did my best I could

But it wasn't good enough

I want to settle down somewhere new

I can't miss this opportunity

This was a journey of a lifetime

I was on the way to the new colony

The Governor

By Kazz Falcon

The company appointed me as the new governor

I was in charge of the new colony of the new world

I have to make sure things runs smoothly

It was my responsible for everyone

I looked after the physical and moral survival of the colony

I had full authority to administer justice

I executed all the laws that follow

I further the good of the Colony

I served faithfully, all within the limits of my power and as I sees fit

I presided over the Assistant and the Councilor

The Assistant can take my place as long I become absent or ill

Both attends all council meetings held by me

No one else could attend the meetings

No servant can be a councilor

We meet every week to discuss any issues of the colony

I solved any problems/disputes of the colonists

I may get advice from the Assistant and The Councilor

With them, the colony will strive

I had the right to arrest anyone

Unless the party confesses to the crime

Or two witness of the event step forward

Yes, I had a tough job

The colony depends on me

I won't fail as the governor

Fornication Act

By Kazz Falcon

A witness caught us in a fornication act

She told the Governor about it

He wouldn't stand for it

He confronted us

I didn't want to confess

I didn't had a choice

There was already a witness

That made to look guilty

I admitted the truth

We stood trial in the colony

The Governor fined us £10 and/or three days in prison

There was no prison in the colony

We were locked up in the cage

We were exposed to the public view and abuse

To bad, we won't marry

We weren't in love

The fine will be reduced to £5 if we were get marry

We couldn't afford the fine

The fine remained unpaid

We were publicly whipped

I will stay away from fornication act

Abusive Child

By Kazz Falcon

I had the most rudely child

She won't obey me

I tried to lay down the law

She still talked back

She was really out of control

She threw tantrums

She was spoiled

She refused to listen to me

I was losing patience with her

She cussed up a storm

I wondered what happen

It dawned on me

She wanted to stay with her daddy

Recently, we were divorced

Things weren't that great for us

We were always fighting about something

I had full custody of her

I was sick and tired of her nasty attitude

She felt like I ruined her family

I didn't raise her to be an abusive child

The Separation

By Kazz Falcon

My wife and I agreed on a separation

We needed a break from all the fighting

I will still continued to be there for the kids

I stayed in a hotel for the time being

I met this woman at the club

We went back to my room

Few weeks, I dated the other woman

She knew about the marriage problems

We developed deep feelings for each other

She was much better than my wife

I was happy with her

She became my world

I mentioned I wouldn’t go back to my wife

She believed me

The wife called me up one night

She invited to come over to chat

I drove to our house in Hollywood

I visited the kids for a little while

She confessed she missed me

She missed the warm comfort and our love

I started to cry

I felt the same way

I don't want to stay away from them

We still had feelings

I made up my mind

I won't see the other women

I won't tell my wife about her

There was no need to

I wanted to be with my family again

We needed some time to ourselves

That was a part of the separation

The Mistress

By Kazz Falcon

Well, I lied

I didn't stop seeing the other woman

You know, the woman I met during the separation

It just happened

We fell in love with each other

We grown very close this past six months

Last week, I got back together with my wife

Yes, I loved my wife

I also loved the mistress too

My heart was torn in two places

So far, my wife doesn't suspect a thing

I will keep it that way

I don't want to let down our kids

They means the world to me

Things with my wife have been great

We hardly fight any more

We had the perfect family we always wanted

Till she learned about the mistress

Downfall

By Kazz Falcon

I was a popular soap star

My character was so dashing and romantic

The fans love me

They couldn't seen any wrong in me

I got into some trouble with the law

The police stopped me in the car

I followed the police's orders

I took a breath test

Oops, I was over the limit

I had too much to drink

The police searched the car

I couldn't believe it

They found drugs under the passenger's seat

I tried to defend myself

I claimed the drugs wasn't mine

It was some hitchhiker I picked up

They didn't believed me

They hauled me to jail

Words got out about my arrest

The media was all over it

I couldn't escape it

My bosses talked to me

I didn't thought anything of it

I figured it was about an upcoming storyline

Nope, I was wrong

They released me from the soap

I was furious with them

They can't do that

I didn't do anything wrong

I stormed out of the office

Damn! What will I do?

The soap was my daytime job

I had a mortgage to pay

I had kids to feed

I had a wife to support

Why me?

I thought I was doing a good deed

I don't know what to do

Acting was my career

I belonged on the soap

Losing the job was a wrongful termination

Father's Rights

By Kazz Falcon

My girlfriend accidentally got pregnant

She wasn't ready for motherhood

We always use condoms

I was capable of raising our kid

She doesn't felt like it was a good ideal

We had different views

She wants to finish college and get a career

I finished collage and had a good paying job

We can afford the baby

She doesn't see it that way at all

I won't abandon her during the pregnancy

We create a special baby

The baby deserves to live

She thought about ending the pregnancy

I was upset to hear that sad news

So much, I wanted that baby

She can't get of our baby

She has no right to get an abortion

I won't allow her

Abortion is wrong

If she does, she will be a murderer

She will be killing our love too

I have to stop her

She won't get rid of my baby

She has no right to end the pregnancy

I still had a legal connection

It was my father's rights

Successful Alcoholic

By Kazz Falcon

Hmm, where to begin?

My life was out of control

My friends & family disappeared from my life

I was all lonely

I had no one to turn to

I prayed to God for strength

He guided me in the right direction

I was in rehab two times

I was starting over with my life

I met this wonderful guy

Soon, we moved in together

I thought life was perfect

I learned he was an alcoholic

I was tempted to drink again

I wasn't happy with him any more

My sobriety was at stake

The worst happened

I became homeless, thanks to my ex lover

He lost everything, including me

So badly, I wanted a drink

I felt worthless

I can't believe I was homeless again

I was angry with God

I was angry with the ex

They both really let me down

I don't want either of them in my life

My faith demised

I could have turn to alcohol/drugs again

Why was God testing me?

I completed the rehab

I haven't had a drink since then

I had new friends

I truly believed in myself

I had faith in God

Yet, my life was in turmoil again

I didn't want to depend on my friends

Life wasn't fair

Once again, I put my life in God's hands

I was in a shelter for six months

I was grateful to be homeless

God gave me a Section 8 apartment

I was very happy

I was much better without my ex in my life

I had a new boyfriend

I did it on my own with God's help

Thank God! I didn't fall of the wagon

I was finally in control of my life

I was a successful alcoholic

Not Ready

By Kazz Falcon

I was involved with a young pup

He seemed to be the one for me

We dated for a while

Everything was just fine

He wanted to be exclusive

I thought he wasn't ready

He claimed he was

We gave love a shot

Things was still great as it seems

He had the wandered eye

I could sense it

We continued seeing each other

I won't put stock in the relationship

He may want to see other people

He was still a young pup

I was 34 young

I already played that game

For me, it was game over

One night, I caught him in the act

He was unfaithful

I knew it was too good to be true

We shouldn't commit in the first place

He does have wild oaks to sow

I broke off the relationship

He wasn't ready for love

Where Art Thou, James Sherman?

By Kazz Falcon

It have been years since I saw him

He just vanished into thin air

I wondered about him

His friendship means the world to me

He was the nicest fellow I ever known

He helped me a great deal

I was homeless in the late 90's

We met at MCCLA

He offered to let me to use his computer

He didn't have to

He really believed in my art

Every Wednesday night, he picked me up

He paid our supper at the restaurant

We went to his place

I used the computer for the poems and stories

Sometimes, he helped me

Then he dropped me off at the shelter

The last I heard, he started his own company

He was a dear friend to count on

I cherished our friendship

I will never forget him

I really do missed him a lot

Where Art Thou, James Sherman?

Kevin Nichols & Friends

By Kazz Falcon

Kevin was another dear friend

He was the nicest person you will ever meet

His heart is pure as gold

I met him at Grace Fellowship in Dallas

I was talking to JD about homosexuality and God

Kevin came in the kitchen and introduced himself

I truly felt I was home at church

The following week, I went to church again

I could trust them with anything

I mentioned I was homeless for a while

Gary, Collette, Kevin & others were concerned about me

They offered to help this poor guy

Kevin let me stay with him for a short while

My room was ready at Collette

So, I moved to her apartment on Bradford Dr

I worked for Kevin & Gary at Jim Bagwell

I was happy that things were finally going my way

I was off the street

I gained new friends at church

This was the best time of my life

I was truly blessed with Kevin & friends