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#4

Fag
By Kazz Falcon

Fag
Someone told me that he wanted a fag
I could sense he wanted something from me
I should give it to him in his mouth
He would blow very gently
He was that type of a guy
He has ravishing lips I ever saw
I pondered about something
Should I give him one or kiss him first?
I don’t like fags breathe
I won’t kiss him at all
His mouth should be refreshing clean
A thought crossed my mind
The more he likes me kisses,
He may give up the bad habit
I lived for that moment
He would be better off
He must control his stress some other way
Please don’t bit your fingers either
I won’t scratch your eyes out
He met his match in this fag


Renewal Passion
By Kazz Falcon

Renewal Passion
I haven’t write any poems in a few years
It was like learning how to fly a kite again
I need strong winds for a successful flight
I must maintain its balance in the blue sky
I trusted I could fly again
As long I try, I should find the right notch
I concentrated on the winds
The winds were powerful all day long
The kite was a loose cannon; it blasted all over
It almost crashes into the trees
I pulled up on time; I had control
It made me realized I could do anything
I headed back home in the evening time
I was proud of the flight
I landed smoothly on my feet again
From the fabulous experience,
The artist rushed back into my very soul
The kite pushed me to renewal passion


The Missing Star
By Kazz Falcon

The missing star
I stared into space
I couldn’t see my star
I guessed my star is far
I looked deeper in the galaxy
So far, I didn’t come upon my star
I had a gut feeling; I wouldn’t be one
I felt so alone
I didn’t notice the time; I was too stoned
I kept on looking for mine
I wept, where is my star?
I have been waiting for years
I want my star to shine bright
The star must be in another sight
I shined my flashlight
So far, I was disappointed at night
The morning star rose into the blue sky
I missed my chance
The drugs kissed my star away from me
I could have been in Hollywood
The missing star


Work
By Kazz Falcon

Work
I had a fabulous job
Something drastic change my life
Anything but that I cried
I recently found out that I am HIV+
I was shock beyond belief
Knowing my HIV status us such a relief
I felt healthy continued working
My boss really love me, treating me like a friend
He does care for his employers
Do I dare to bring up my HIV status?
It scares me that my job might be in danger
I don’t have hospital insurance yet
I can’t risk losing my three months old job
I had three months to go for the insurance
I might as well keep it as a secret
It was none of his business
As long I wok hard and stay healthy, I would be better off
After I get the insurance, I would tell my boss
I prayed I stay healthy for work


The Ex
By Kazz Falcon

The Ex
We remained friends after we broke up
Things didn’t work out for us as lovers
We were better off as friends
I found another lover from a gay parade in Weho
He sounded like a fabulous guy
We dated for a while and we fell in love
He hated his life; I figured it would pass
He truly believed that I was the only good thing for him
Everything else just sucks for him
He complained about anything or everyone
I explained, “Don’t let everything get to you.”
He cried that the world was out to get him
I tired to make him feeling good inside
He felt ugly inside; he hates looking in the mirror
On the outside, he doesn’t see how beautiful he was
His negative attitude gets on my last gay nerve
I tried talking with him; he won’t listen to me
He pushed me away, so I gave up on him
I hung out at my ex’s house for comfort
My boyfriend thought I was having an affair
He was jealous of the ex


Weak
By Kazz Falcon

Weak
I fell in love with someone
I had so many problems to be in one
I need to work on myself first
The weed was my escape; I want to forget my problems
He doesn’t mind me doing drugs every day
He was kind enough to let me use his place
He was so strong for the both of us
He can take care of my problems and his
I was happy to be with him
Recently, he became distance from me
I tried to talk to him; he wouldn’t open up
I cried I might lose him
I don’t know why he won’t talk to me
Things were great in the beginning –
Hug, kiss, comfort, write letters and say “I Love You.”
We hardly do any of them any more
I don’t feel love by him
When I tried to talk about my problems, he became angry
I had no ideal why he treats me different
I wondered why he brought vodka, he feels like to
I need him to be strong, not weak


Why My Ex?
By Kazz Falcon

Why my ex?
My new boyfriend has so many problems
Like others said, “Too much baggage!”
He cried that his life wasn’t getting any better
I tried to send him in the right direction
I set him up with doctors and medication
He doesn’t seem want to get any help
He relied too much on me
It was taking a toll; I had problems too
He seems to only care about his problems
Most times, I tried to talk to him
He doesn’t listen at all
His problems and him are emotional draining me
I may look healthy outside, I felt sick inside
I can’t go on trying to solve his problems
He needs to see a shrink
He pushes me away; I can’t talk to him
Therefore, I go to my ex
My boyfriend may lead me to drink again
Why my ex?


The Boss
By Kazz Falcon

The boss
He was wicked as they come
He ticked me off big time
As soon he found out, he privately fired me
I was one of his best workers
I flew to Mama’s nest for comfort and advice
She hated the boss for what she done
It was his loss, not mine
From her love, I was fabulously fine
She encouraged me to take action
He was a low life no good fake
Wait till I stab him with a knife
It would be sweet revenge
It could be worth millions
He can’t do anything about it, except pay up
Something positive should happen at court
I need to prove he wrongly fired me
I was in perfect health
I didn’t get sick once
Sometimes, I even work on my day offs
For that, I was discriminated for being HIV+
I have a good chance of winning the case against the boss


Fear Becomes A Reality
By Kazz Falcon

Fear Becomes A Reality
I hope my nightmare doesn’t come true
I worked so damn hard to get where I am today
It scared the hell out of me
It dared to wreck my life
I stared right into hell; the nightmare lives there
I tried to avoid the evil trap
I cried to God, “Let the nightmare stay in the dark.”
I prayed a little to late
I became weak; I ended up in the hospital
Somehow, I caught a feverish flu
Anyhow, it was much worse than I thought
It happened so fast; I was full blown AIDS
I hardly see my doctor for check ups
Work took up most of the time
I regretted not seeing my doctor often
I felt fine; I wasn’t on any medications
Now, I was facing one tough battle ahead of me
I must change my life for the better
The doctor put me on meds and placed me on SSI
Nightmares comes true
Fear becomes a reality


Let It Happen
By Kazz Falcon

Let it happen
My friend was doing fabulous till he drank again
His life was perfect – a car, a job and his apartment
Something happened along the way
He met a drop dead gorgeous man
I wasn’t one of his biggest fans
I already knew his game plan
He used men for his pleasure; he doesn’t give a damn
I tried to warn my friend
He thought I was jealous of the relationship
He ought to know better, we go way back
I fought tooth and nail; he still wouldn’t listen
The new lovers sought to destroy his life
He brought into his act, love and all
Everything was beautiful, so my friend thought
Then the wicked plan fell into its place
He persuaded him to go clubbing
The more he went, the deeper he got in alcohol
He claimed he loved him, he truly believed it
I had no choice, except to let it happen


A Young Father
By Kazz Falcon

A young father
I became one at age 17
I figured it wouldn’t happen to me
My girlfriend and I couldn’t believe it
We were so safe; it was the farthest thing from our minds
We were truly in love; we wanted to wait for a few years
We wanted out relationship to last
We didn’t expect out baby to come fast
We got good grades; our future was about to blast off
Now, the baby changed everything for us
We need to hold off the collage plans
A broken condom planted the seed
The done was done; we became parents
We considered abortion; we weren’t ready
We couldn’t blame each other; we were in the mood
So, we wouldn’t destroy the baby inside
He deserved a chance to live; he was innocence
My father set me up with a good paying job
We lived with her parents
We both quite school
The baby became our full plate
I don’t regret of being a young father


A Pregnant Teen
By Kazz Falcon

A pregnant teen
I wished I didn’t listen to his sweet-talking
He was only after one thing
I thought he care about me
I brought into his act
I felt so used and pregnant by him
He refused the truth, his baby
He wouldn’t admit we had sex
My parents became outrage at me
It was the same guy my friends warned me about
I blamed myself; I let my guard down
Why did I get myself in the mess?
He only wanted to get under my dress
I was foolish enough to believe him
He promised to love me and be there for me
Now, my life was destroyed
I was so alone; my parents wanted no part of my life
Everyone was dead set against the low life
I wouldn’t listen to them
How could I have a bright future?
I’m a pregnant teen


The Abortion
By Kazz Falcon

The abortion
What can I say?
I’m damn if I do; I’m damn if I don’t
I always wanted kids, but I was too young
My father wouldn’t take it well
I wouldn’t dare to let him down
I was his world, my mom died when I was six
I loved him very much
I would do anything for him
I have to keep the pregnancy a secret
I need to sleep on it
I must figure out what to do
Trust me, it’s really hard for me
I was a daddy’s little girl
I looked at all the options
This one really shook me up – Abortion
Besides, I wasn’t ready to be a mother
I want to go to collage
My dad would be proud of me
I know he wouldn’t accept my pregnancy
I must be sure of the abortion


Daddy’s Reaction
By Kazz Falcon

Daddy’s Reaction
He was shocked about my pregnancy
I couldn’t keep it as a secret a little longer
He accidentally found my test results in my room
He was so disappointed in me
I tried to talk with him
He cried, “How could I mess up my future?”
I confessed I let passion took over my life
We were hot and heavy; it was too late to stop it
My boyfriend broke up with me; he didn’t want the baby
I was left holding the responsibilities
The pregnancy was too much for one person
Even daddy didn’t want me to have the baby
The only option I had was abortion
I had no other choice; my future was at stake
Daddy took me to an abortion clinic
For some odd reason, he wanted me to know the truth
He felt like a damn hypocrite
I didn’t understand why, he was looking out for me
He told me the secret of me
My parents considered abortion too, no money
They change their minds at the last minute
They want me to give me a shot in life
Life is precious to throw away
Daddy’s reaction


The No Good Boyfriend
By Kazz Falcon

The No Good Boyfriend
He drastically ended our relationship
He pretended nothing happen
I was offended by his negative attitude
He left me holding the bag; I was pregnant by him
He stoop ever lower, he claimed he was a fag
Yeah, right!  We had sex many times
The sight of his lies continues
He explained he was sexual confused
I was outrage by his stupidity
He should be more responsible for his actions
There was a baby on the way
I would have the baby in May
I truly don’t believe he was gay
I wasn’t his first girlfriend, or his last
Dating him was a blast
He treated me like a princess unlike him
He cheated our baby from having a father
There was a heated argument between us
He thought I trap him
My father ought to kick his sorry ass
He had no class whatsoever
The no good boyfriend
 

A Fatherless Baby
By Kazz Falcon

A fatherless baby
I got a certain girl pregnant by accident
I wasn’t really in love, I was sexual confused
I want nothing to do with her
All along, she knew I had feelings for guys
We had a few drinks
We ended in the sack
In the back of my mind, having sex didn’t feel right
The alcohol fogged our brains
It was too late to turn back time
She thought it was fate; I was cure of being gay
She ought to know better, it doesn’t work that way
She brought up a terrifying ideal
If I don’t change my ways, I won’t see my baby
I can’t exchange my true feelings
I would be living a lie
It could ha e serious effects on the baby
I can’t see hurting an innocence baby
It would destroy his future in the long run
I won’t live a lie for the baby’s sake
She promised I would never be in his life
I made the ultimate sacrifice
A fatherless baby


Baptist Church
By Kazz Falcon

I grew p in a Baptist church
I knew I was different from the rest I felt like the Baptist wasn’t the best
For being gay, did God put me through a test?
The more the pastor mentioned it was a sin,
The more I felt rejected by God
Throughout the years, I was sadden God don’t love me
I privately struggled with the gayness
It was a heavy burden on my shoulders
I distanced myself from God and the church
I danced alone in the dark
From being drunk, I passed out in the park
I smelt like a skunk, someone woke me up
She wondered why I was all alone
I wept, God left me
I kept on crying, why couldn’t I be myself for God?
I was trying my best to understand the bible
I did noting wrong
Something came forth; I saw the light in her
The light shows me the way
God still love me for being me


Where Is God?
By Kazz Falcon

I searched for him the longest time
The last church mistreated me badly
They cheated me out of a relationship with God
I beat myself to death
The heavy burden defeated my soul
I had a heated conservation
God let me down; he abandoned me
It was time to pack it in, I moved to Dallas
I hoped I would find peace and happiness
With dope, I could really escape from reality
With a rope, I should end it for once and for all
Then again, I want to make a go in Dallas
This could be my only chance for happiness
I came upon a stranger; he was flamboyant
Me mentioned of a church
I dreadful didn’t want to go; my faith was gone
He promised I had never experience God this way before
I was intrigued, my heart pumped for joy
I went to church, being open minded
I found the love of God again
Sounds like a dream; I’m a gay Christian


Convert
By Kazz Falcon

I realized I was gay
It didn’t make my day
It wasn’t the right way
I disclosed my feelings with the church
No one else knows, not even my family
Someone soon showed up
I had never saw him before in church
He convinced me to go with him
We arrived at another church far away
I strived to trust him, not knowing him to well
He seemed nice enough
A group showed up in the room
They tried to convert me
I cried, “Why do they want to control my life?”
They kept on telling me their stories
I wept, how could I be happy?
I can’t go on listen to them
I already know the truth
More than ever, I was happy being gay


Fully Converted
By Kazz Falcon

I used to be a homosexual
I refused to live a sinful life
I abused God’s love for granted
I didn’t like being gay
From the bible’s point of view, it wasn’t the way
My life drastically changed in May
The church sent me to a support group
I went to check it out
I got to admit, being gay is a bout
They wasn’t happy, nor I was either
I mostly ended up at the bathhouse
I just wanted to be love and feel good inside
The moment my desires passed, I wasn’t happy
The same thing goes for the clubs
Day in & day out, I was looking for love
At those places, I didn’t find anything but sex
I kept on going to the support group
I wept; I was sick and tired of being gay
I was too weak to go on throughout the day
The group comforted me; I want to change
It gave me a desire to be with a woman
The way it supposed to be


The Shelter
By Kazz Falcon

I had only one chance at the shelter
They only ALLOWED once chance
I don’t want to mess up my only chance
I could stay up for six months
I must make most of my time
I want to succeed in life
I can’t do any weed or any other drugs
They would test me if they suspect me
I must follow the rules and do a daily chore
Trust me; that was the smart thing to do
They want us to find a job, save money and an apartment
Six months was enough time for anyone
Then again, some felt the place was too strict
I saw a few to last a month or less
I truly believed they were stupid
Come on, they messed up their only chance
Hello, is that stupid or what?
I would stay for the long run
The more I stay, the more money I would save
I would be better off
Everyone should use the six months wisely
I know I had a good chance from the shelter


Where Would I Go?
By Kazz Falcon

My time was almost help at the shelter
I was waiting word on Section 8 housing
Till that time, I was racing against time
I had no ideal of what would happen to me
I wondered about my future, I was so worried
I didn’t want to stay at another shelter
Once was enough for me
I just couldn’t do it again
I had enough of the homeless life
Six months was a long time
I also didn’t want to go back to the street either
I won’t let it happen again
I might as well be a male prostitute
I can get money for a hotel
I don’t want to ask my friends for help
Emotional support was good enough
What would I do?
I was running out of time
Section 8 may not happen after all,
It may take years to get my own place
My future was at stake
Where would I go?


During Class
By Kazz Falcon

Rebecca Street taught a poetry class
We were learning how to write poems
She has great knowledge of poems
I couldn’t get much out of class
You wouldn’t think so
It wasn’t the teacher’s fault
She absolutely does her best
T goes to show me, I should be a great poet
Certain things were foes, much to my dismay
Was it curtain for me by the foes?
I don’t want to trip over somebody’s toes
Then again, they stepped on mine
The noises came from everywhere
It became frustrating that I can’t stand it anymore
The same crap we faced on class every week
We couldn’t focus and concentrate on the poems
We need complete silence for them
We can enjoy them much better
How could we?
The foes wouldn’t top disturbing us
The door slamming, people rudely talking and other things
When would it end?
During class?


This Place
By Kazz Falcon

Clod withering air, I froze at night
Awful dreadful food, I hardly eat anything
I couldn’t function right
Mean staff, I can’t talk to them
Smelly restrooms, I must cover up my mouth and nose
Fallen ceilings, I need to run
The kitchen, I could get food poisoning
Sleepless nights, the bed was hard as a rock
Rotten floors, I could fall through
Roaches, they were everywhere
Fruit flies, I couldn’t escape from them
The tables, there weren’t enough to eat on
The area, it was located in the worse location, skid row
I wasn’t safe inside or outside
Darkness, there weren’t any light in the building
Just the sun and its rays
The residents, I can’t trust them
They were either on drugs or drunk
The sight of things made me gruesome sick
I must leave somehow
Whether I end up dead in this place


Beautiful Voice
By Kazz Falcon

I loved to sing
I moved to a different beat
People complimented me for my singing
It encourage me to be a singer
Smoking discouraged me as a great one
It friend my throat throughout the years
I cried, my dreams vanished – Hollywood Bowl
I tired to give it up, no such luck
Smoking was a bad habit; I started at 16
I became sad; I gave up singing
I was mad; my dream won’t come true
My voice was that bad, I was out of tune
I was glad that I gave it a best shot
I met a young lad; his voice was awesome
He knew who I was
He heard so much about me from his parents
I noticed he had a pack of fags
My story scared him; he tossed them in the trash
At the Hollywood Bowl, the crowd loves his beautiful voice


Doomed Success
By Kazz Falcon

I founded a band in high school, the students loves us
Time was our stock; a record label could pick us up
I had a few drinks here & there, patience waiting
Someone finally gave us a contract
I had a toast at the club for our good fortune
I continued to rock & roll across the nation
After the concerts, we got blasted
Our success was too good to be true
From heavy drinking, I branched out to drugs
I didn’t care about the hugs
In my mind, the girls want me
I was living a rock & roll life
I had alcohol, drugs and sex
Nothing could stop my success
Anything but that
The partying was my downfall
The other members realized I had too much of a good time
I missed rehearsals, tour dates and more
They kissed me goodbye, they kicked me out of my own band
My alcohol/drug problem was too much for them
It made me mad; they picked another lead singer


Little Less Time
By Kazz Falcon

I had six months to live
I don’t have anything to give
I wasn’t rich; I had low income
Whatever I would become?
Jesus was poor; his heart was made of gold
A wish came true; I wouldn’t grow old
I have something to show
I wasn’t cold as snow
Something was true
I turned blue
I can’t gasp for some air
I fallen from the chair
Everyone panicked for my safety
No one could save me
Yesterday was my funeral
Today was a new beginning
I finally was recognized for my art
My poems & stories weren’t a fart
They were as clean as a baby’s behind
I really don’t mind
Success came late
It was purely fate


A Rainy Day
By Kazz Falcon

I walked in the rain
Suddenly, I ran to the train
Pouring down on me was a pain
I was soaking wet
I lost the bet
The $25 went to Met
He was right about the weather
I bird tried me off with a feather
The train took me somewhere
From the rain, I hope it was anywhere
I ended up nowhere
I became lost in the wood
I was hungry for food
In the freezing rain, I stood
For crying out loud, I wasn’t in a mood
I just wanted to go home alone
Someone offered me to get stone
I called Met on the phone
He picked me up at the train
The weather tricked me with the rain
All day was a pain


The Waves Of Life
By Kazz Falcon

The waves were pretty high in the Pacific Ocean
I grabbed my surfboard to tackle the waves
I surfed the mighty waves
I was bound to slavery of them
I found it hard to escape them
The sounds of them, I feared for my safety
They had a grip on my life
One slip up, my life would be over in a second
Here’s a tip, I must battle the waves to stay alive
My life depends on it
I mended my life with the waves
I tended not to know what wave I would ride
It could be the waves of sorrows
It could be the waves of fear
It could be the waves of happiness
It could be the waves of tears
It could be the waves of life
It could be some other wave I must take
I better surf the waves
I can’t let them to control my life
I was in the driver’s seat on the surfboard
I must stay ahead of them no matter what
If not, the ocean would eat me alive
I don’t want to drown in the wave of life


In Their Shoes
By Kazz Falcon

I tried to imagine in their shoes
Sometimes, it fried my brain
It was emotional hard for me to put through the agony
Hmm, a thought occurred
I could be a great actor
It should be a great learning experience
I focus on their pain the most
In their shoes, I wouldn’t be lost
I become them in every which way
Then some
I go through the emotions to see how it felt
I couldn’t handle it sometimes
I felt their pain
My heart melted for them
I wondered how I could do things different
In their shoes, it was emotional roller coaster ride
Can’t things be any different for them?
Some things, they couldn’t take back
I wouldn’t forgive the person either
I should live their pain
I tried to imagine in their shoes
 

Copyright 2005 Kazz Falcon

I have the spirit of an alien.
I need to find my own kind.
I must shed off the dreadful human skin.
It is very uncomfortable.