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2001, September 26, Wednesday

I saw my friend's IM on the screen.  I talked to him.  I asked, "Do you want to go with me?  I need to fill out a missing person report."  Talking to him was so useless!  He brought up Marlene and Steve.  My God, I have never met those people before.  I changed my mind; I would do it alone.  He didn't make it any easy for me.  It seems I can't be friends with him.  I need to explain things to him more than once.  He asked, "Why do you need to fill one out?  Did he steal something from you? It seems you don't have that feeling of patience and understanding.  You take care my friend." I said, "I already tell you WHY I need to go to the police station.  I don't have patience BECAUSE I need to EXPLAIN everything to you MORE THAN ONCE!"

He claimed, "You have a big problem itself.  It seems you don't want people to ask.  And you don't answer the question either.  You seem trying to evade the question."  I got upset with him.  I remained calm with him on the web.  I said, "I do not need friends like you in my life.  I DO NOT EVADE the damn question.  Read the beginning of this IM."  He was knocked offline.  I type a quick email and posted the IM in the mail to.  I made it easier for him to read.  I made it BOLD and TWO TIMES bigger for him to read. 

Luv:            I think the police to fill out a missing person report.  He didn't come home in two nights. It does ring a bell!

Then I im, "Please check yr email.  Just email me back and please do not IM me back either!  He yelled at me, "THANKS ANYWAY.  IF U DONT NEED FRIENDS LIKE ME.  IT IS OKAY.  I CANT FORCE MYSELF TO SOMEONE ANYWAY. WELL, TAKE CARE MY FRIEND.  I THINK U HAVE A BIG PROBLEM YOURSELF. THANKS A LOT AGAIN."

Now, he has ATTITUDE with me.  There was no reason to yell. I told him about the missing person report.  Miguel has not come home in TWO NIGHTS.  It has been 24 HOURS!!! He asked, "Why are you so worried?  Why do you have to report him?  I said, "I told u already!   MIGUEL has not come home in TWO NIGHTS.  It has been 24 HOURS!!!  He said, "I understand, my friend.  Why are you so worried?"  I said, "Can't you read?  He is missing over 24 HOURS!!!!
He yelled at me again, "I KNOW.  I THINK U ARE REALLY VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH HIM, MY FRIEND. It seems you both have a big problem between yourselves.  I suggest you both patch it up...it seems you cannot go on with your life without him."  This is my personal opinion of him; he is the most stupid guy I ever met!   I made myself clearly that Miguel was missing for two nights.  Hello, I don't have THE PROBLEM; Miguel is an alcoholic. Therefore, he has the problem and not me.  He wants us to PATCH it up.  Is that the stupidest thing you ever hear before?  I would not patch things up with him.  Miguel wants to keep on drinking.  I would not waste my time on his ass any longer.  

I explained, "When someone have been missing OVER 24 HOURS, it is time to report it to the police.  That is what PEOPLE do when someone is missing for a long time."  He said, "I don't think so.  It depends.  24 hours is not a long time.  Not unless you are used to him coming home everyday."  I challenged him to call the police.  They would tell u 24 hours is the RIGHT AMOUNT of time.  If I want to file a police report then that's your choice.  He knows the last time that Miguel was MISSING for four days.  Anything bad could happen in 24 hours, 4 days or whenever.  

He asked, "What did I do when he was missing for 4 days?"  I said, "That is besides the point.  I am talking about NOW!!!  Do you want to come?  Yes or no?   If not, I would leave now!"  Now, some of you would think that was a good smart question on his part.  To me, that was beside the point!  If I tell the police about those four days, they wouldn't take me seriously.  They would ask, "Why did I fill one out the first time around?" Hmm, let see, I have no car, I didn't know what to do, and I didn't know the phone number. And I was the one to call him stupid!  LOL

I refused his "yes" answer to go with me.  Never mind, it was out of the way for him. I can do it alone.  He lives in Glendale and works in Pasadena!   I was pretty far from him.  I can take the bus to the police station in WEHO.  He gets off after 5:30 PM!  The more I wait, something bad could happen. Why take chances? I better take care of it right now.  He mentioned that the phone number I gave him; he think was not my real number.  Hello, it was the answering machine!  He hopes we could spend the weekend.  This time we can be together.  

After we said our goodbyes, I checked Miguel's & mine accounts. I am so happy we have SEPARATED accounts!  He couldn't spend my money at all unless I give him some! The $370 was in my account.  YES!!! 

I noticed something very interesting in his account. 

09/25/2001           CHECK #156                                                              $370.00-           $458.61+

09/25/2001           CASH WITHDRAWAL                                                 $42.00-           $416.61+

09/25/2001           CASH WITHDRAWAL                                                 $20.00-           $396.61+

09/25/2001           CASH WITHDRAWAL                                                 $42.00-           $354.61+

09/25/2001           CASH WITHDRAWAL                                                 $42.00-           $312.61+

09/25/2001           CASH WITHDRAWAL                                                 $42.00-           $270.61+

09/25/2001           NON-VERSATELLER ATM WITHDRAWAL FEE           $2.00-           $268.61+

09/25/2001           NON-VERSATELLER ATM WITHDRAWAL FEE           $2.00-           $266.61+

09/25/2001           MOBIL OIL                                                                 $6.00-           $260.61+

09/25/2001           NON-VERSATELLER ATM WITHDRAWAL FEE           $2.00-           $258.61+

09/25/2001           NON-VERSATELLER ATM WITHDRAWAL FEE           $2.00-           $256.61+

Is it me or has Miguel Garcia went BONKERS on 2001, September 25, Tuesday?  That really proves he has a DRINKING problem.  He took out FOUR $42 and ONE $20.  The full total is $188 for one freaking day/night.  He has a very serious deadly problem!  He must be hanging out with the wrong friends! 

All the times, we have been lovers; he was NEVER EVER like this before.  Look at him now.  He spent way too much money on alcohol!  As of 9/26/01, he spent over $558, counting  $360 between 9/10/01 to 9/21/00, on the clubs/elsewhere. 
He is DESTROYING his life and my life.  For what?  Just to party and waste his money on booze, drugs and SEX!
I haven't forgotten about Hollywood Spa!  Trust me, I didn't.  I still have the receipts in my wallet.  I haven't called him on it yet.  Soon, I would.  The car's troubles changed my REVENGE plans on Monday.  I came up with a new revenge, shows him the receipts at his sister's in front of everyone! Sure, he would be on the SPOT at his family's expense!  Revenge would be so sweet; I could even taste it now! 

8:55AM, Miguel finally came home.  I asked, "Where have you been?"  Miguel said, "I need to use the phone."  He took the phone to the kitchen.  I signed off.  He called his work.  He hung up and walked to the restroom.  I said, "I can't go on like this.  Where have you been?  Where have you been?"  He said, "I'm sorry!"  That line is his FAVORITE to say. He closed the door.  I asked again, "Where have you been?"  He opened the door and said, "I'm sorry.  I was at my friend's.  I tried to call you.  You were online."  I felt like he just put THE BLAME on me.  That made me angry!  I said, "You have the car.  You could have DRIVE HOME to tell me.  You didn't come home for two nights."  It's his damn fault!  He's partying with HIS FRIENDS and spending HIS MONEY!

Please remembered, guys!  I started this journal when he was MISSING for 4 days last month.  I didn't know what happened to him just like this time. PARTYING is more important than life itself!  I won't put up with it any longer.  I won't go down with this freaking alcoholic!  THANK GOD that I went to the bank Monday afternoon.  I knew he would party his money away.  He is looking for ways to PARTY no matter what.  Fight with me, PARTY!  With his so-called friends, PARTY!  Lie to me, PARTY!   Go behind my back, PARTY!  Missing for a couple of days, PARTY!  Don't come home, PARTY!  Blame me, PARTY!

We argued more.  Miguel still thinks it's my fault!  He tried to call work again.  I said, "I was about to fill out a missing person report again!  You could have stop by in the car."  He said, "I tried to call you.  I got to go.  I might get fire.  I would be right back.  I must go to the office."  I said, "You don't care about me.  You're picking YOUR FRIENDS over me.  You were gone for two nights."  Miguel screamed, "No, no.  I'm not!  I do care for you."  I said, "Forget about it.  I don't want to talk about it."  Miguel rushed out of the door.

1:30PM, I received the RUDEST IM from a low life called, Ttl70, Tony!           

Ttl70:            you certainly don't have trouble telling other people about "Their Problems' now do you. You think that's a positive attitude? Great minds talk about events; small minds talk about other people.  That is the stupidest web page I have ever come across.

I have never talk to Tony before in my life.  He gave me ATTITUDE about my positive web site.  If he doesn't like my web site, he doesn't have to read it!  My point is everyone has their OWN WAYS to deal with their problems!  I'm doing a JOURNAL for my sake.  People could learn from my experience and get something out of it.  I'm not telling other people about "Their Problems!" 

When is it THEIR PROBLEM like dummy Tony claims?  It's not ALSO their problem! I do live with the suffering and the pain every day.  Tony has no right to get on my case!  Stupid Tony even doesn't know me at all. 

Tony JUDGES me for my personal web site.  I never EVER judge him at all! 

"Do not judge, or you too will be judge.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."  Matthew 7:1, 2.

I have no ideal of why Tony ATTACKED me on the web.  Tony, Please be part of the solution, not OUR PROBLEM!

Earlier today, someone praised me for doing a journal online!  Hey, Tony, take that to the bank and cash it!  Oops, I already cashed the check!  LOL   He mentioned that my journal is MY HEALING. 

HEY, TONY.......read this very interesting IM from the guy who PRAISED me!

Cruize 4 Luv:            I am doing my journal now!  I want to keep track of all my journals!

Crg:            that's cool

Cruize 4 Luv:            I have not check the listings yet.....I don't want to forget a thing for the journal

Crg:            I can understand

Cruize 4 Luv:           even my roomie doesn't know about the journal....he doesn't go online. 

Crg:            how come?

Cruize 4 Luv:            he is not interest of the web....he says he has no use for the web

Crg:            wow, that is amazing, there is something for everybody on the web

Cruize 4 Luv:            true.  I always look up addresses for him!   Other than that, he wants no part.

Crg:            that is sort of strange; but each to their own I guess

Cruize 4 Luv:            yeah.  I am glad he doesn't go online!  One look at the journal, he would be so pist and I don't care!    Enough about him!!!

Crg:            lol. Ok, enough of him

Cruize 4 Luv:            one question thou.......if u knew your roomie would be online all the time and u want to stay with a friend for a few nights.

Do u think it would be smart to DRIVE HOME and tell his roomie since u can't get in contact with him????

Crg:            Yeah, I would think that would be the good thing to do, Depends on the relationship I suppose

Cruize 4 Luv:            he was gone for two nights.....he came home this morning....he claimed it was fault.....he tried to called me.  I was online...

Since HE HAVE THE CAR, it is his Responsible to tell me no matter what!

Crg:            I would think so, but it depends on the nature of the arrangement I suppose

Cruize 4 Luv:            point taken!   That is why I can't be his lover...he is destroying his life by drinking and/or drugs.

Crg:            yeah, that is a not a good thing to in a partner

Cruize 4 Luv:            u know I am talking about me.

Crg:            what do you mean?

Cruize 4 Luv:            u are right.....it depends on the nature of the arrangement

Crg:            well it is hard to say without knowing

Cruize 4 Luv:            yeah,  all I know that he is an alcoholic and I see right through that......his world and mine is falling apart.

Crg:            I am so sorry, that is horrible

Cruize 4 Luv:            don't be.....no biggie thou!   

Crg:            well just unfortunate

Cruize 4 Luv:            I have been keeping track of his bank account online.  Today, I found he spent over $188 yesterday...he claimed he was with friends, but I know better.  

Crg:            wow, that is a lot to spend

Cruize 4 Luv:            u know what I have to do......I must let his drinking takes it course......he must hit rock bottom.   So, I won't fight him about his drinking.

Crg:            yeah, sadly some people have to do that

Cruize 4 Luv:            at the rate, he is going.....he may not have the rent money for next month!    

Crg:            that is not good at all. Ouch!

Cruize 4 Luv:            sorry, I am telling u.......I didn't want to tell anyone......they can read it in the JOURNAL!     

Crg:            oh ok. I should take a read over when I am not at work

Cruize 4 Luv:            I tell u this much.......

Cruize 4 Luv:            he was in a car accident, driving drunk......few days later, he drives again!   He doesn't care at all.

Crg:            what is going to happen when he doesn't have the rent money?

Cruize 4 Luv:            no ideal.......it is his problem, not mine.....I can't afford the rent!    

Crg:            well than it sort of becomes your problem too by default

Cruize 4 Luv:            I won't BAIL HIM out again!!!!     If I bail him out, I am letting him to drink!!   Nope!

Crg:            exactly. You should not help him out at all

Cruize 4 Luv:            besides, the least is not in my name......the bills are.

Crg:            that's good

Cruize 4 Luv:            I don't care if I end up homeless, it was meant to be by God.....he would take care of me!   And I need to take care of me first!

Crg:            especially since he is not even trying to get better

Cruize 4 Luv:            yeah.   He must help himself first...we can't help him at all...his name is on the ROCK bottom!

Crg:            exactly

Cruize 4 Luv:            I won't stop him from drinking!   Thanx for listening to me!  I really appreciated it a lot

Crg:            that's ok, no problem

Cruize 4 Luv:            now u know why I said, "enough about him!"   LOL   I am over him and his drinking!   

Crg:            good for you!!

Cruize 4 Luv:            writing the JOURNAL is make me a better person and stronger!

Crg:            yeah, can be good therapy

Cruize 4 Luv:            good therapy is good!   I know I don't need to see one!  hehe   as long I don't let his drinking affect me, I would be okay!

Cruize 4 Luv:            thanx for talking to me......I would let u to go back to work!

Crg:            well good luck with that, just not a good arrangement for you

Cruize 4 Luv:            thanx.   Good-bye

Crg:            later

I have the spirit of an alien.
I need to find my own kind.
I must shed off the dreadful human skin.
It is very uncomfortable.