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2001, September 23, Sunday

Nothing big happens between Miguel and I!  Things were calm till I found some INTERESTING STUFF about my soon to be ex lover AGAIN right after he went to work at Noon!   He asked for some dollars for his wallet.  I lied to him. 

For some reason, I thought about yesterdays.  Some things didn't add up at all.  I looked at his "online" bank statement again; I can't put a finger on HSI.  I have never heard that place before.  I really don't care about the rest.  Yesterday, I found a sex card in his wallet and two pictures.  One had him smoking!  The card had a web site. 

This afternoon, I went online to see about the card.  It was a sex web site.  Then I asked an online friend, "What is HSI?"  We were both in the dark about HSI!  I said, "BRB.  I want to finish the journal.  I don't want to miss out a thing."  I gave him a piece to read.

"I noticed that he took out $40 EIGHT separated times from ATM machine, plus not counting the times since Sept 22!   That told me a lot!  He parties really hard somewhere at a club/elsewhere.  He spent over $360 between 9/10/01 to 9/21/01."

He could relate.  He wants me to close the account and show him tough love. I wished I could close his account, but I could do tough love! I mentioned I'm not ready for another relationship and another guy whom really into me.   I can't deal with the other guy right now.  That's why I'm the pussy for the time being.  I need to have fun with my life.  That would make me happy now.   He said, "The guy is a little too much when you are going through that situation."   Point taken.

I glazed at his checking account once more.  I had a feeling it must to do something with sex.  At the rate Miguel is partying, sex might be involved!  This past week alone, we had sex so many times.  I'm so sick of sex right now.  We normally don't have sex that often nor I top him either.  He is in too much pain to be tops.  I was against it, much like him in the beginning.  I explained, "You're still in pain.  The doctor hasn't fixed your problem."  Sometimes, he claimed I don't love him, seeing someone else or make me to feel guilty somehow. He played games with me; he tried to get me sexually involved with him.  He pouted when he doesn't get my top!  That alone makes me giving it up for him.  The last time, I wasn't in the mood for sex.  I wished I was somewhere else except his ass!  That was the first time for the str8 x-rated video! 

Yesterday, he wanted me to play for a while.  I didn't want to, I wanted to stay online.  He pouted.  I ended up next to him during the str8 x-rated video.  It didn't do me any good.  He did some poppers.  He came too fast.  I fell asleep.  Suddenly, he wants me to come!  I didn't want to at all.   He turned off the video.   I did anyway.  I washed in the sink.  He took a shower for work.  I went down to the car to get his work clothes from the trunk.  He got ready.  He said, "I love you."  I shut the door behind him!

There was one SURE way to find out about HSI.  I looked at some old receipts from his nightstand.  I found he went to HOLLYWOOD SPA couple of times this month. Wait till he come home soon!  I would break up with him, the sooner, the better.  I wasn't even surprised.   The same guy from yesterday beeped him again; he didn't even bother to call his new lover.  He claimed he doesn't know the guy!  Yeah, right!  I saw the same exact charges on the receipts from the online bank statement!  I finally caught him RED HANDED!  He completely destroyed my love for him!  I put the receipts in my wallet for safekeeping. 

I knew something was up.  He does come home late couple of times.  And WORK doesn't have to do with his lateness.  He could come home, but did he?  Hell, no!  He want to party at the clubs and have sex at the bathhouses, the place we met!  I don't mean Hollywood Spa either. I guess people are wrong, no one can find LOVE at those places.  I should have stay with Richard by Food 4 Less.  No, Miguel convinced me to move in with him.  He promised he would pay the rent, the bills and everything else! 

Things were fabulous in the beginning.  We had spats once in a while.  But I won't get into the beginning right now.  
With Richard, I had everything.  With Miguel, we start from scratch.
  It took us months to get the things we need.  I was such a fool to give up everything for an alcoholic!  Life is about taking chances.  This one really blew up in my face.  I should stick with my beliefs.  I got involved with the dreaded FAST LOVE and look at what it got me in!  I'm not happy with Miguel anymore.  The moment he drink again, I became single once more!  My love had fallen of from his earth into the PITS OF HELL!! 

I sent Fun a "yesterday" email.  I need to restart my computer.   I came back as the pussy.  The Luv wasn't there yet.  I am not ready for the Cruize yet.  The pussy is more fun!  Fun noticed I was back; he was still reading the email!  I waited till he im me again!  I continued "my journal" as the journal shows me that I am stronger.  I went thought a lot in my lifetime.  I thought I would end up dead somewhere!  But, I am still traveling those roads wherever it would take me to!  Life is a journal.  You need to be sure what road u want to take.  You may end up on the wrong road like I am now! The only thing is going for me is the truth and THE TRUTH WOULD SET ME FREE!  Amen!

Fun realized Miguel is my lover.  He didn't mind at all.  I was glad I didn't mislead him.  I know him for a while online.  My pussy said, "I'm single."  I always referred Miguel as my roomie when I use the other screen name.  In a way, I didn't lied.   I was looking out for myself.  The things with Miguel, I can't go on begin his lover online or offline.  Couple months ago, I separated myself from the boyfriend part and just remained his roomie!  Fun just wanted to be friends!  I want the same thing.  I need to deal with Miguel and get rid of him somehow.  He won't mess up my life anymore.  I would destroy his life before he gets another chance at mine.  God gave me the power for revenge against him.  I would use it WISELY! 

Fun believed the separation is going to be difficult.  Point taken.  The least is in his name; the bills are in my name. 
There would be NEW RULES to live by on my terms!  Now, Miguel needs to play by my rules!
They are simple to follow.  1) He must pay the rent.  2) The bills 3) the food 4) and anything else!  5) No sex!   6) No fighting!  Those rules are easy to live by.  #6 is iffy!  People do fight.  It is bound to happen!   If not, I can always get my revenge somehow and someway!  Starting with his sister!  LOL The sister would help me to destroy his life with my help!  It is call TOUGH LOVE!!  I would lose everything too, all thanks to Miguel Garcia!  It is worth it!  God would bless me with the things I lost.  He would double it with riches! 

I told my plan to Fun.  He thought it is an excellent ideal!  The break up should be perfect!  For sure, Miguel would take me seriously!  Everyone would freak out at the bank, but they have nothing to worry.  I don't care what other people think; Miguel can't keep my money from me.  I want it back now.  I changed my mind.  Knowing what I learn this afternoon, changes everything.  I don't trust him any longer.  He may not give me the money next month.  Tomorrow, I would take the bull by it's horn and get my money at any cost!  No police would stop me!  If it doesn't happen that way, I would follow through on my revenge, starting his Miguel's sister in Whittier! My surefire plan for REVENGE would go smoothly! 

I think I start a list of his drinking incidents like bailing him out TWO TIMES so far

I have the spirit of an alien.
I need to find my own kind.
I must shed off the dreadful human skin.
It is very uncomfortable.