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2001, October 22, Monday

6:30AM, I woke up and the alcoholic was still NOT HOME! I bet more sex! I woke up couple times during the night, it got to me very badly. Each passing day, stress work into my life somehow, feeding on my well being! I turned on the TV for a while. I came across I Dream Of Jeannie on a Spanish channel in ENGLISH no less. Jeannie wants her own birthday; she doesn't remember the date. Even her family thought it was in different months! She was so sad that she couldnt help to DISAPPEARED! I could relate to her very much! I am not happy and I want to DISAPPEAR forever from Miguel! I wished I had her powers. I would blink myself to another place, far far away from Miguel!

He would never ever find me, no one could! I was famous for my disappearing act! I disappeared to Dallas, Hollywood, New Orleans and other places. No one knew where I was during those times till I made my presence known to them or someone fills out a missing person report. One time, the police found me in New Orleans. Tom & Sean was worried about me; they filled the report out! I used an alias to get in contact with them through email. Of course, I lied. They were kind enough to put all my things in storage. I sent them the house keys first class from New Orleans.

7:15AM, I heard Miguel drove up in the parking space. I thought about staying up; then again, I didn't want to face the drunken loser! So, I turned of the TV and pretended I was asleep. I heard Miguel walked in; close the kitchen door for a snack, got undressed and jumped in bed. He tried to pull the blanket from my head. I held it very strong till I let go of it! Miguel must have thought I was awake since he had a hard time of getting the blanket! He faced me. His ALCOHOL BREATHE streaks for days; it turned my stomach upside down. He begins to kiss me all over my face, knowing he had a cold! I stood still till the drunken fool passed out cold!

I waited for a while. I dressed up and went straight to the car. I noticed the right mirror was out of its socket! I looked in the trunk. There was a beer box in the black trash bag. Yes, I was upset. It turned out the box was full of someone's wieners! Hmm, Miguel must have a huge feast all last night! He couldn't get enough that he took their wieners home!! I was glad that it wasn't mine; bobbit sized wieners! I checked his fanny pack. I took the change. I looked at his new bag. His beeper was there, of course, I took it and the gum too! I closed the trunk! It was time for the seats!

I unlocked the doors. I noticed a bag behind the back seat. I knew it was an alcohol bottle! I dumped it out by the dumpster! It went into the dumpster! I hope the garbage men come today. The evidence would be long gone by the time that Miguel wakes up! I headed back to the car and checked everything else. The change in the Altoids case was missing; he helped to buy the alcohol! I was happy that I took his change from his fanny pack, an eye for an eye! I did asked God for forgiveness. When I found out about the meter's change, I thanked God! I looked at the glove department. Of course, pay back is hell! Wait till the police stop him for something. He would get a rude awakening! I threw the CI in the dumpster with numerous of other things. I put the remote in my pocket! I was quite pleased with my finding! I put the club on the steering wheel. I left the driver's door slightly opened and the passengers door window down! Wait till Miguel found out about the car; I would claim he must have forgotten to lock up the car! He was really drunk! The car's mirror was proof enough for his drunkenness!

I walked in quietly. It seems like Miguel didn't move an itch except when he coughs! I put his keys on the front desk! I took off my leather coat and shoes. I hid the beeper and the remote in different places! Sure, I need the remote to go places! He could get a new one from the landlord! Then, there was the beeper! He needs it for work; I was always online! His sister gave him it as a birthday present! I believed he want the phone to be free for work! Of course, that wouldn't stop me from going online! This would probably be my last month for online! The rates Miguel is drinking these days, there was no sense of getting another year of AOL! We may end up homeless pretty soon! I need to save all the money!

I put his glasses and the keys by his nightstand! He would think he put them there by himself! Some alcoholics tend to FORGET THINGS! I would use that to my advantage! I need to lay the groundwork some way! Sooner or later, he must admit he needs help with his drinking problem! But I won't hold my breath for a confession! He was getting further in NO WAY OUT till he kills himself! He was already killing himself and me for that matter. His heavy drinking was killing my well being; I was getting emotional damage too! Hmm, an eye for an eye sounds interesting to me! God, why couldn't The Sopranos be a real life mob family? I would hire them to kill Miguel for me! That would make me a happy camper! For sure, they would protect me and I know I would do favors for the mob! That is how mobsters work! The hit man is a different story altogether! One thing thou, the killing can't trace back to me! I don't want to end up in prison! Besides, I don't have enough money to hire a hit man! Oh well, life goes on, not for Miguel! LOL I don't want to take chances with a hit man and a mob family!

I went online for the journals today's date! Miguel was still sleeping. I, for one, desperate want to pack it in! It was taking on toll on me. I wasn't thinking straight. Bad thoughts pop in my mind once in a while. I pray to God that I don't go off the deep end! In the past, I was so close to the edge. I somehow managed to escape on time! Some things are NOT WORTH the time, pain and suffering! Get out before something bad really happens!


I have the spirit of an alien.
I need to find my own kind.
I must shed off the dreadful human skin.
It is very uncomfortable.