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2001, September 27, Thursday

4:15 PM, I lay in bed, watching Pokemon. I heard a noise from the door. I knew it was him. I sat by the desk. I didnt want to face him. Miguel came home. He asked, "Hi, where is the beeper at?" I said, "The question is where have you been. Where have you been?" I gave him his beeper from his nightstand. Last night, it was acting up. I put it away; the noise would keep me awake. I went back to the computer, "Where have you been?" He said, "I was at my friends. I tried to call you. You were online." I said, "You have the car. You could have drive home to tell me. What stop you?" He said, "I need to use the phone." I signed off. He used the phone in the kitchen.

He gave me the beeper to fix it. The thing wouldnt stay on. It took me a while. I failed. Miguel wanted to try it. I didnt give it to him. He said, "I need to go to the car. I need to get my work schedule." I said, "You say that the last time." He closed the door. Yesterday, he was here about 10/15 minutes. He told me that he would go to the office. Guess what! He just came home from yesterdays morning. I cant trust him any more. He came up from the car. I finally fixed the beeper. He called work again. I gave him back his beeper. I received more junk mail! He called his sisters.

He sat on the bed, looking at the fishes. I took a good look. I noticed a lot in his APPEARANCES. His face looked terrible from the drugs. I havent seen his arms yet. They must be bruise or what from the needles. For the life of me, I cant even look at him. He DISGUSTS me very much! His face changed drastically since yesterday morning. They must been on heavy-duty drugs.

He was undressed. I annoyed him and kept on doing my thing. I changed the channel to Home Improvement, his favorite TV show! Hmm, that sounds logic to me. This place doesnt feel like home anymore. It really needs home improvement. It must be under my terms or else. I was facing the TV; Miguel went behind me and blew on my neck. I said, "Miguel!" I moved away from him. He went to the restroom. Forget it! I wont have sex with him. He already had sex with other men, unsafe I bet! I was thisclose to look at his wallet. I changed my mind at the last minute. He might walk out of the restroom! I could do it. I had a perfect excuse; I was feeding the fish! They were at the corner! I would do it when he takes a shower.

I went to the closet. I hid the poppers and the lube from him. I really dont want sex at all! I listened by the door; he was taking a shower. I made my move. I went to the kitchen with the wallet. I hit JACKPOT! I found a Royal Viking Motel receipt. Room 31 cost him $45. I knew he lied to me! He wasnt at a friends house! I think we go on a RIDE! He would be so freaking SHOCK! ROFL. I looked up the address on the web. I had more exciting dreadful news. The motel was on 3rd and S Alvarado St. I know the area quite well. Down the street, the druggies hang at the park. It is a popular hang out! I put the receipt in my wallet. I continued watching The Bundys on Fox and writing my journal.

I put on my shorts. I wont take them off for nothing, except to use the restroom. He got out of the shower. He put on black underwear. He checked his beeper. I signed off. He showed me the number, 900! We figured out it was a sex number like 976. I mentioned to him dont call the number. He put on some socks. He went to the restroom. It seems like he was going out again. I have one thing to say, GOOD RIDDANCE! I dont need him in my life anymore.

He was still in the restroom. I went down to the car for the license plate and the maker. I opened the door. He looked at his work papers at his desk. He asked, "Where was you?" I went to the desk. He went to the bed to put on his shoes. He asked again. I said, "Outside. It is too hot in here." He said, "You always close the windows. Turn on the fan." Hello, I cant. The fan died yesterday evening. He asked, "Did you cash the check?" I didnt want to answer. He asked again. I said, "Yes." He said, "When did you cash it?" I said, "Couple days ago." He said, "You took the bus?" He opened the blinds. I didnt say anything. He gave me a look. Ohhh, Im scared! NOT! He went by the front door. He said, "I would be right back. Im leaving." I asked, "Where are you going?" I walked toward him. He said, "Work." I said, "Let me see." He became pist, then attitude. He said, "Im working in Beverly Hills at 7:30PM." He grabbed his work clothes. I yelled, "Dont yell at me. I dont know where you work or what time you work!" He quietly said, "Im sorry." I asked, "What time would you be home?" He closed the door.

Miguel came home from work passed 1:10AM. Things were calm, but the fire was still burning from afar. I dont want to be anywhere near a volcano! I asked, "How was work?" He said, "Okay." He closed the door. I continued talking to my online friend. He ate some. He doesnt look that well. I saw a bandage on his chest; it must be from the drugs. He asked, "Did you want to the post office today?" I said, "No!" He said, "I saw the new magazine in the bathroom." I said, "I got it last week." I received two Soap Opera Digest magazines in the mail. He got the TV controls from my desk. I said, "Change it to three." I played the tape for him. Since he was at work, I tape Friends, Will & Grace and Just Shoot Me. I turned off the computer. I stood up and face him. He whispered, "Im sorry. Im sorry. I love you." I said, "Dont say that!" I walked away to the kitchen for more kool aid. He really doesnt mean it. To me, it was empty words from him. I joined him in bed. He asked, "Do you want to make love?" I said, "I am tired." He was falling asleep. I asked, "Do you want to watch friends?" He said, "No!" He gave me the TV controls and took off his glasses. I waited for a while till I finish the journal for tonight. I listened to Christian music on TV. I hardly do that, I like dance music! He was sound asleep fast; too much partying does that! I turned the computer on. I was done for the night. Its time for my beauty sleep. Maybe, tomorrow would be lightweight, meaning no entry for the journal like Monday, 9/24/01. Night, all!


I have the spirit of an alien.
I need to find my own kind.
I must shed off the dreadful human skin.
It is very uncomfortable.