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2001 September 20, Thursday

3:30AM, a knock on the door woke me up.  Miguel finally came home from drinking at the clubs. Like always, he was drunk!  I went back to bed; I didn't want to get in another fight with him.  He got undressed in front of the bed.  He said, "He tried to call me."  I was online like always. 

He fixed something to eat.  Then along the way, things got strange.  He lay on the floor in front of the bed.  I begged him to get up.  He says, "I would be there."  Miguel knows better than sleep on the floor.  For crying out loud, we have a queen size bed.  All the fights we had, we never make the other one to sleep on the floor. One time last year, he fell asleep on the restroom floor.  He was so freaking drunk.  Another time, he passed out in the restroom and fell "back" into the shower door.  The door cracked!  I helped him to the bed.  He was really out of it.  He didn't know where he was.  I freaked out too; I thought something serious happen to me.  To this day, the door wasn't fix yet! 

I pleaded him with more.  He refused to get up.  I went back to bed.  He went to the kitchen and the bathroom.  I heard some noise coming somewhere.  I figured it must be the water boiling.  He was in the restroom for a while.  I was worried; the water must be done in the kitchen.  I checked; the water came from the restroom all this time.  He took a shower.  So, I looked at his wallet in the kitchen.  He had no money. I noticed he took $40 out tonight from ATM.  I put the wallet on his nightstand.  I jumped back in bed.  Then he came out with the towel, wanting sex.  I was way too tired for sex.  I was in sleep mode. 

9:30AM, we woke up.  Once again, he was in the mood for sex again.  I wasn't, I want to sleep more.  He called the auto shop, "time to go."  He finally mentioned that he tried to call me on the phone & the beeper, yelling from the gate, but climbs the fence did the trick for him.  This time, he didn't cut himself.  I figured he climbed the fence.

I looked at the map; the highway must be packed.  We took 6th street all the way there.  I went too far and got on Caesar Chavez.  I parked the car in the street.  One of the workers talks to his wife.  The owner asks Miguel, "Did you came alone?"  He says, "No."  I waited for the wife to leave.  They kissed goodbye.  I parked in the driveway. 

We waited for the bumper; the guy didn't show up yet.  We sat outside at the table.  Miguel tried his best to convince me that it's okay to get some beer.  I wouldn't budge.  I didn't feel right about it.  I knew they didn't offer him some.  The keg wasn't in the same place by the table.  Miguel kept pestering me; I still refused.  Miguel's drinking wasn't the only reason I refused to get him some.  I didn't want to get the beer without their permission.  It is their beer.  I also didn't want to disrespect them.  I told Miguel, "Please give me a cup of water."  He blew me off, "You didn't give me some beer."  A while later, he pestered me again.  I still wouldn't give him the beer.  Miguel really needs help, he doesn't see he have a drinking problem!

Some workers tried to find the handle from the inside of the car.  They looked everywhere for that piece, including the garbage bin!  Miguel checks the back seat in the car.  All this time, the handle was there under some stuff.  They laughed it off.  The owner jokes, "Let's killed him."  I knew he didn't mean it.  It was just playful humor!  I joked around the same lines online or wherever.  Humor is fun, as long it doesn't get out of hand!  The guy showed up with the bumper. 

The owner asked, "Do you work?"  He said, "Restaurant business, I'm a bartender!"  He then asked me, "nope!"  He said, "I do some parties and offered you to be a bartender."  Miguel gave him the phone number!  Oh boy, more temptation for alcohol at work!!  :-(

The bumper was fixed.  We left the auto shop.  He didn't take me serious about our break up from yesterday at the club.  He touched me and holds my hand as I drove.  I didn't remind him of the break up!  He seems to be so involved with me that he may do anything to keep a hold on our relationship!  We had lunch at Denny's by home.  We chatted some about Big Brother 2, Survivor's Tina & Colby!  He hopes Nicole wins, I wanted Will!  He played the game so well like Richard Hatch from the first Survivor!  Miguel asked, "How was my ass?"  I liked it.  He wants to continue to please me sexuality.  I'm doing one hell of a job! 

We checked the paint car place on Pico/Western.  He was serious about it.  The worker checked the car.  He explained to Miguel, "I would do everything including the inside."  They went back inside for the price.  I waited in the car.  He came back alone.  The whole job would cost over $350.  We drove away.  I asked, "Do you have the money?"  He says, "Yes, if I didn't have it, I wouldn't do it!"  I wasn't sure about the money.  This past two days, I think he spent over $500 on the car at the auto shop!  Now, this paint job!  Whoa!!!   I hope he has money for the rent and his insurance next month.  He can't afford to spend that kind of money!  He is a bartender and a server!

2 PM, We got home after we put some gas in the car.  We watched some TV.  I found his address online.  He got ready for work.  He weighed himself; he noticed he lost some pounds.  He showed me his weight, 135 lbs.  I did myself, the same amount!  Just kidding!  I weighed more than that, 185 lbs!  I gained lots of weight since last year.  Miguel is a pretty good cook.  Between his cooking and driving again, I can't see my feet anymore.  I guaranteed that Miguel would END UP in the hospital again.  From drinking too much, he was losing weight once again.

The last time, he looked pale!   He ended up in the hospital from work!  He stayed a couple of days.  Since then, he hasn't drink or go clubbing with me.  To my knowledge, I believed he started again in August.  I have no ideal why he drinks again.  I never ever brought it up at all.  This past week, he drinks in front of me.  I tried to break up with him but he did not take me SERIOUSLY!  I have not spoken about it since then either.   Well, yes, I am angry with him!  I could see through right him.  He come home drunk late at night, sometimes 3, 4, 5 in the morning.  I didn't throw his ass out of the place.  If this were my place, I would have.  I even didn't drink with him once!  It's his OWN DOING!  The best thing for me is let him really hit ROCK BOTTOM.  I won't stop him from drinking.  He wants it so badly!  I lost all respect and my love just disappeared!  Miguel doesn't even care for our apartment or me!  Drinking is his drug of choice! 

This evening, I had dinner plans with my online friend.  All the yelling I did yesterday, I lost my voice.  I sent him an email and called off the dinner.  I was too tired to go out.  Since I can't talk, I didn't want to go to dinner at all. 

Boy, I had a hard time with him yesterday.  I mentioned to him that plans might change because Miguel may or may not go to work.  He didn't understand that part.  Also, he was lost of the location I gave him too.  He would be one block away from me, ONE FULL BLOCK exactly!  He used to work on Wilton and Wilshire.  I lived on 6th and Gramercy!  Those four streets are a BLOCK itself!

I watched TV for a while.  The phone rang after 5PM.  I was too sleepy to answer the phone.  It rang couple more times.  I didn't move from the bed. A while later, I was the pussy online and checked my email.   I didn't want to deal with him at all online.  I received an email from him, "No problem.  Anyway, I think the number of the apartment u gave me was not even correct.  It was Marlene Downing.  Thanks anyway."  He must be smarter than that.  Come on, now!  The landlord never ever replaces her name with Miguel's! Oh well, it seems like he doesn't believe me at all.  I taught him well!  ROFL  Don't believe everything you read on the web or in person!

I have the spirit of an alien.
I need to find my own kind.
I must shed off the dreadful human skin.
It is very uncomfortable.